Unfinished

This morning, in a moment of despair, I cried out, “God, just let me feel You loving on me today!”. He didn’t disappoint.

I stepped out of my house and into an icy wonderland from  yesterday’s storm. While I marvelled at the ice on the trees and my porch, I wasn’t so happy to realize that the same coating was on my car, and chipping through it wasn’t exactly an option. Heat blasting from the vents, I sat in my car and debated on whether or not to go to church now that I was late. Why bother, one part of me asked, while the other half of me stubbornly put a foot down and let the other part of me know that I’d be going to church regardless of how I felt, thank you very much.

I hadn’t even managed to get my coat off when I’d come into church, before a friend was grabbing me and pulling me into a hug. That particular hug, set the tone for the rest of my time at church this morning. I didn’t talk to a single person this morning without having them give me a hug. And not polite, ‘Hi, it’s good to see you hugs’, but the kind of tight, soul hugging hugs that my hurting heart needed whether or not I was ready to admit that. If I wasn’t feeling loved on enough already, the worship team proceeded to sing only songs that have at one point in time or another, meant something to me in my spiritual journey as a Christian.

In those moments, when the Holy Spirit is tugging at your heart strings and reminding you of the journey you’ve had, all the ups and downs, you cannot help but feel and be reminded of His deep love for you. Not to mention, feel incredibly humbled and in awe that the Creator of the Universe, would love me enough to hear and respond to my heart cry. It was as if He’d said, “Look dear one, remember these moments. You got through those because of Me, and Me alone. Everything I have brought you through, has brought you to this point. There is a reason and a purpose for your suffering today, that will all be worked for My greater glory. I will get you through this, because I am always enough for you”.

If God hadn’t already loved on me enough at that point, He spoke through a message that both spoke to my heart and reminded me that God always has a plan in everything.

If I’m being honest, I’ve never really understood Philippians 1: 12-30. I mean, come on. To live is Christ, to die is gain? (Philippians 1: 21)  Suffering for Christ? (Philippians 1:29). How am I suppose to embrace suffering for the sake of Christ? How is the gritty stuff in my life, that makes me not want to get out of bed, suppose to be….embraced? I can tell you right now, my sufferings probably greatly pale in comparison to things in the lives of others. Can you imagine saying to someone who has just lost a family member that, they should embrace their suffering for Christs’ sake? I don’t know about you, but that is NOT something I’d want to hear in the midst of anguish. That is certainly not something that would make me want to get out of bed in the morning.

I think of Paul. Or Job. Or Naomi. Or Joseph. Or Daniel. Or Mary, Martha and Lazarus. Can you imagine saying to any one of those people in their suffering, to embrace it for God’s glory? I sure can’t. All of those people experienced suffering at some point in their lives, some more than others, but that’s not the point. They all walked through suffering, to accomplish something greater in the plan that God had for each of them, and has for each and every one of us. If we’re going to live our lives for Christ, we must see our sufferings as being worth it.

A song that’s been pressing on me lately talks about how God is making us into new wine. I’m not a wine drinker, so the concept of being compared to such has been something I’ve been thinking on. Wine, at it’s basic, starts with the collection careful selection of fruit. Fruit is then crushed and pressed to extract the juice, the valuable substance that is then fermented, clarified and then bottled to age. This isn’t a easy journey for the fruit, but it’s completely and utterly necessary for the finished product.

I don’t know about you, but it’s been my experience that God is more interested in refining my character than He is responding to my comfort. A lot of times (or so it feels), He will put me in uncomfortable settings that have me running for the hills or not wanting to leave the confines of my bed. God often calls us to serve in ways and places with people that we would have never chosen for ourselves. And, oh, do we ever experience suffering.

Those moments are where God purposes suffering for His greater good.

I am being crushed and pressed for something greater.

I am unfinished.

I am being loved on.

 

“Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion”

Philippians 1:6