Sunday (October 22) was a big day in this adventure of mine. I was up early and excited for church, and about to head out the door when my phone let me know I had a text from my neighbour. Curious, I paused at the door and read it, which to my horror, told me to not go outside, as there was a group of about seven to eight individuals sitting out on the porch of my shed drinking alcohol. Sure enough, I peeked outside and my heart sank. I’ve had trouble with trespassers since I’ve moved into this house. I find an array of garbage every week, and I’ve had to call the cops more times than I can count about people trespassing on my property. It’s more than an annoyance for me to have to deal with this on a regular occurrence. Fear creeps in and reminds me that I’m a single female, and that I live alone. That keeps me awake at night.
Cops were called, and I found myself cowering below a window with my pulse in my throat. Individuals were removed from my property, but I found myself not wanting to move from my corner of comfort, and less willing to grab my things and head to out the door. For starters, I was now late for church, and secondly, the idea of stepping foot out my door and leaving my house unattended now terrified me. What if they come back?, I worried. What if they come back at night? What if they come and hurt me? Panicked, I called my Mom to let her know what had happened, about to stay in for the day, when she said something along the lines of- “Don’t let fear keep you there”. As much as I would or wouldn’t admit to myself in that moment, I knew she was right. I had planned to go to church, and then had two separate potlucks I was suppose to go to and fear was keeping me locked inside my own home.
I didn’t want to go, but I did. I was certainly late, so I slipped into the back row. While I was physically in church, I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d made the right decision.
I’m laughing right now, just to let you know. I started this 18 days ago, and quite clearly, I got distracted, which is sad to say the least. Today, I walked into work and learned that a coworker of mine was killed in a motorcycle accident last night, then we learned we’d be working short staffed, and then to top it all off, an emergency came in, and sadly the individual didn’t survive. It was one of those days where everything happens, and you just have to put down your head and keep working. It isn’t until later that the gravity of everything begins to set in, and you start wondering, “God, why did you let all that happen?”, and the tears begin to come.
And then in the midst of my tears, I was reminded of something, that God’s provision is bigger than my circumstances, whatever they may be, and it brought me back to here, sitting teary eyed in front of a laptop screen and reading something that I’d started over two weeks ago. I also can’t help but marvel at God’s sense of humour at a time like this, and how ever so patient He is with us.
I can tell you right now, without a doubt that when I left the house that particular Sunday about two weeks ago, that I did make the right decision. There was no better decision that I could have made. I stepped out in faith, instead of fear, and what a world of a difference it made.
While stuck in the back row at church, if there’s ever been a sermon that I needed to hear, it was that one. At church for the past few weeks we’ve been working our way through Exodus, which happens to be one of my favourite books of the Bible.
Exodus 16 starts us off with the Israelites in the desert, who have just left Egypt after enduring nasty plagues (Exodus 7-12) and having been pursued by Pharaoh and his army (Exodus 14). After everything the Israelites have been through at this point, what’s the first thing they do?
They complain they’re hungry, of course! The Israelites forgot who they were led by and let the problems right in front of them take priority over all the marvellous things that God had already so clearly done for them. It’s so easy as a reader to roll our eyes and think, “Yeesh, do you people not get it!? Don’t you remember what He’s done for you?” But when looking at our great oppressions we face in our own lives, we do the EXACT. SAME. THING.
We forget that God is always, ALWAYS, doing something bigger, and that He already has, and always will provide for our every need. God is at work, and we get to learn in these moments! Now, you might be like me and take two stinking weeks to figure that out and need to be reminded time and time again, but that’s where God’s patience is such a saving grace. I’d like to ask you this: Do we remember God’s provision for us during our hardships?
Personally, I know that I don’t always remember God’s provision. In fact, I think I could honestly say that I forget most times.
I’m like the Israelites who’ve come through plagues and have been pursued out of Egypt, and yet my only concern is filling my belly. I see the problem in front of me, and I forget all the times before where God has met my every need beyond what I could ask for. I forget the times when He’s tenderly whispered to this stubborn-girl heart of mine. I forget the times He’s met me in the midst of my loneliness and reminded me that I’m never alone. I forget the times where I’m so afraid that I don’t want to leave my house, and He’s taken my hand tightly in His own, and walked me through the valley of darkness.
During the sermon I was reminded of a verse that I’ve heard before, and yet has never quite made sense to me:
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials or many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4).
That’s a hard verse to swallow, and it still is. Now, I don’t think this verse means that we need to gleefully look upon all our hardships with a false sense sunshine, fairy dust and rainbows. The provision for the understanding of looking upon our hardships with pure joy comes from JESUS, and nothing else. It comes from trusting and knowing that His provision for our hardships is sufficient for the very moment we are in them.
We need to see our circumstances through God’s eyes, and not our own. He has already overcome everything, past, present and future circumstances included. He has an intended purpose for our hardships and circumstances to both lead and teach us-and what pure joy is that!
“I trust in God’s unfailing love for ever and ever. I will praise you forever for what you have done; in your name I will hope, for your name is good” (Psalm 52:9)
Prayer Requests:
-Pray for my friend (and former coworker) that I mentioned in a previous blog post. The tests have come back as cancer, and she is presently being sent for radiation, while a surgical date is currently being made. She will need to undergo an extensive and lengthy surgery at some point in the near future. There is still some debate as to whether or not this certain area of cancer is the primary source, or if it has spread from somewhere else. Please pray for a quick surgical date and that recovery would go smoothly. For her family and friends that continue to struggle with this diagnosis, and are doing their best to support her during this time of need.
-Pray for the family and friends of the coworker that passed away last night due to an accident. The family will need to travel out of the country to identify the body, and may encounter some difficulties in transporting her back to Canada.
-Pray for my hurting coworkers as they process this prognosis of one friend, while having to deal with the loss of another.
-Pray for the family and friends who lost a loved one today.
The Northern Heart 